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you wouldn't know it if it hit you

maybe you're waiting around for me to write something about you. maybe you don't care at all. maybe after you read this you'll call me and say i read your diary today and i'll say cool. or maybe you won't call me. or maybe i'll have missed the call.

it's a strange place being on this side. skating around all day, going out to eat, looking for people to hang out with. it's a weird feeling not wanted to give your heart away and not wanting to fall in love because you'll fall too hard and then get hurt.

and then nothing you do makes you feel better. not writing about it, not not eating about it. not going out not not going out not watching movies or walking around on the streets pretending that you care.

there is nothing i can do or say that will tell me what this thing i'm feeling is and if i've ever been in love because i don't know i don't know i don't know. love love love this isn't it. you wouldn't know it if it hit you.

i can't sit around and watch the whole world fall in love with you. because i'm in that world and sometimes it feels like a tsunami washing over me and there's nothing i can do or control it just sweeps me off my feet.

i wish i was a wave just moving along. no choice but to glide and ebb and flow all slow.

love love love

this isn't it.

12:45 a.m. - 2006-06-12

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history - mystery