-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

the danger zone

i am still really confused and really sad. it's because i know that somewhere underneath all this good stuff and the good feelings that i feel when i feel when you are around, well, they are all kinda fake and kinda bullshit.

it seems that no matter where i go, i cannot escape the shortcomings and psychological yearnings of others. but maybe i can't escape my own either.

how can i let myself go the whole way for you when you tell me you are only giving me half. half isn't that bad either. half a cookie. half a blanket. half and half. but it ain't whole. like i can't wear half a pair of pants, or half of a shoe. i can't stand half a hug and half a kiss.

half way. a gross concept. feels like cheap synthetic drugs. when yr looking for coke but all you can find is no doze.

i didn't and don't want anything to change, except for the recognition of who i am to you and what i mean. and if that can't happen, then everything has to change.

it makes my breathing hurt when i think about it. my eyes get hard. my blood turns to plastic. my body starts changing in ways that feel super weird.

it's like when superheroes change for the better. they have to go through all that acid on their face or whatever first.

oh but i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care

i'm a human song lyric.

5:29 p.m. - 2005-01-20

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

history - mystery