-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

anxiety strikes back

ally came home from japan early because they broke up and she started having anxiety attacks. fucking sucks dude. i can relate. i have anxiety attacks and the only way they go away is when i sit at the computer and write. so i stopped going out. all i do lately is read and write. if i'm not doing eaither thing i feel like i'm wasting time. is this what "isolation" means.

its not like i even get social anxiety. i just dont really feel like being outside. the only reason i ever want to leave is to go and buy more books. maybe i should just go the fucking library.

i read this book called 'speak' whcih was fucking amazing. young adult. i wanna write young adult.

i want to:

-do a quiz

-have tea

-read a good book again

-hang out with ally

-not have anxiety attacks. i feel like people think i'm weird for having them and talking about them so maybe thats another reason why i'm staying inside. i missed the bike ride last night because jordan's fear of the world finally fucking got to me and i just blew up.

he's all "fuck the world"

but i'm all "the world doesn't care". but we made up. i couldnt sleep at h&m's so i went to this fish and everyone was drunk and therefore saying things they probs wish they didn't.

the marriage of self pity and sappy affection. i got tired and left.

maybe i'll go to another meeting. i feel like i have to leave the house and without spending any $$$.

6:01 p.m. - 2003-07-18

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

history - mystery