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i didnt get laid
things with mike aren't gonna happen the way i want them to. i wanted to go slow, and now god's shoving that in my face, which is a good lesson. mike likes me more than i like him. he's a good kisser but the overall package is pretty boring. i hate to say that, because he's such an awesome guy. hot, knows good/cool music n shit, even is very talented. but he's not that funny and not that exciting in bed and its not feeling right. and i cant fight this feeling anymore. i guess i feel like a dick about it because i asked for it and what if another guy doesn't come around for a long time...? what if, what if. who knows what if. all i know is that i'm too fucking rad to settle for something that isn't the best. and he is the best, just not my personal best. he called me tonight and asked if i wanted to hang out monday or tuesday and i told him i had rehab, which is true, but what do i tell him on wednesday? its not like i have to break up with him because we're not even going out. and i dont want to let him down in a dickwad way because i see him everywhere. i even wanted him to leave saturday morning so i could just masturbate and get that out of the way. saturday it was all dark and rainy and i had a cute boy in my bed and it just wasn't right. wasn't working for me. i dont want to get breakfast or coffee until we've properly boned. i dont give a fuck about breakfast g. oh well oh well oh well. back to the drawing board. i think a part of me wanted what everyone else wanted but couldn't get. obviously that notion only lasted a week. i dont care who sees me with who. fuck the world, etc. i feel bad for cindy too. leo doesn;t have a crunch on her. i think its like she's too overqualified for the job or something. i hope i dont have to wait 10 fucking years to meet my match. jason from the rooms has a girlfriend but hes sooooo cute and he sent me an email. i cant help but think cindy is jealous of me sometimes, what with the whole omid thing and then i told her jason was cute and she's all 'yeah he has a girlfriend.' but in a total 'yeah right lesley' sort of way. dont know why she's be jealous. shes the fucking diva. i'm just merely her assistant. speaking of which, i think i want to work at the needle exchange. not now, but i'm not doing libertine 4 ever. no. fucking. way. i gotta get my own diva groove on. but all in good time my friend. the weekends run away like wild horses over the hills. and i have nothing to show for it. i should make t shirts that say 'i went out on friday and i all i got was this dumb shirt.' prettttty clevs.
12:41 a.m. - 2003-02-24
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history - mystery
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