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bang and bang

the fine line btwn boys and cindy enters the picture when josh from the rooms wants to chill with her and not me. but they've been friends 4 ever?

but i dont even want him like i think i thought i did. right? he's all "just be yourself" and the fact that he said that just bothers me because its a fucking wack thing to say and the fact that he said that to me bothers me more, because i hear as "fuck you" even though its not. its not at all. and it bothers me really, because there's some meaning and purpose behind it. it's like, "check motherfucking mate" if you know what i mean.

why do i feel jealous of her sometimes? its like i cant be in a successful female relationship without either putting the person on a pedestal or lowering them somehow. and all this is in my head and its all horrible. its either jealousy, admiration-idolizing, or just plain hating on them. its totally, totally fucked up. i do it with every girl in my life. maybe i do it with dudes too but its like i'm allowed? cuz they're all fucked anyways?

man oh man. ryan and amy are coming over. snacks, smokes, mp3. captain funpants. fucking saw ben columbia last night also and was like, "your lucky i'm working a 12 step program because i would have destroyed you the other night." and he asked if we could rendevouz at adultworld and i said yes but never showed.

check motherfucking mate.

8:46 p.m. - 2003-01-24

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