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one stupid truth
it is 650am. i have not slept all night. the reason? maybe depression-but that makes you tired, right? anxiety? i dont feel anxious. i just couldn't sleep. i went to pee and witnessed my cat kill a fly with her paws. i witness my cat fucking snatch a fly and kill it. would you be able to sleep after that? it was fucking amazing. i got on my bike and went to the only deli that accepts credit because the back isn't open yet. there i was informed that cigarettes now cost $7.25! seven dollars and twenty five cents. god really hates me. really fucking hates me. i just dont know what to do with this information. i have to quit? what? but i'm not ready! i have so many more years of smoking in me! what else can i do but pound my fists in the air and hate the world? J called me wasted. he takes a week off and nothing really changes. he said he had a dream that we got high together. yeah, you and i both kid. why am i so hung up over this stupid retart? because i always want everything to go my way and i base my self worth on it? good answer. give me two days, i'll be over it. but it makes me resent, and want revenge, and how long can a person run on these things? i've been running on revenge my whole life, and the only time i ever thought i had my comeuppance was when i was- yeah. you know what i'm gonna say. is it even worth repeating at this point? $7.25! today i have work. fucking great. i'm gonna show up early,do my shit, and leave, because i dj tonight. i'm not really looking forward to it. B is back so i cant steal any of his records, and i just cant seem to find anything super good lately. nothing i feel like paying for. it's AG going away party and everyone else in the world is going to paul sevigny's b-day party, but who cares about that dumb jock? he's a total stock broker. i cant believe people bought his lie so hard. walk like an egyptian? girls just want to have fun? he is a perfect example of how totally fucking retarted this whole scene is. free booze or not. it seemed like everyone forgot about what was really important once they started seeing themselves in vice do's or whatever. or maybe no one ever cared about what was "important" and its just my sad punk rock idealism. i dont want to do this anymore. all of this. i keep saying that. there were so many reasons why i turned to dope, and now i remember one more.
7:01 a.m. - 2002-07-02
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history - mystery
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