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emotion lotion

she comes in colors everywhere

she combs her hair

she's like a rainbow

there's a party and i'm the only one not invited. well, not the only one. but it feels that way. i can't wait to go away. really. and then i cant wait to go again. i think i might move soon. i think i'd really like to move to austin. i'm sick of feeling shitty. is it me? is it new york? or is it me in new york? i love it here, i really do, but i just feel like things are waiting for me somewhere else. i'm not so sure that the world revolves around nyc, despite what we think.

today is july 4. bfd. i wanna call C but there is absolutly no reason to do so. he may not even be around. i'm just here, in the a/c, smoking and watching mr.show. just like i wanted to do. so then why do i feel so lame?

i keep thinking how "one day i'm gonna show the world" and stuff, but really, why am i so concerned with that? who fucking cares about showing the world. i just wanna write pre-teen novels and fall in love with a cowboy. or a thug. with gold teeth. and my name tattooed on his wrist.

yeah, yeah-i know.

it's neither classic nor awesome-its core!

4:35 p.m. - 2002-07-04

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history - mystery