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afterschool special

fuck the world fuckeverything.

the worst part about being clean is feeling numb, like when yr on dope, cuz i'm not supposed to feel this way but i do.

jesse said: this isn't an afterschool special. we grew up thinking that when something drastic happens, we have to react drastically. such is not the case in real life.

i just wanna get on my bike and ride away from everything.

its gonna rain real hard, real soon.

my dad tried to kill himself and my parents are getting divorced although they dont say divorce because its too intense. so they're breaking up.

i was looking forward to relapsing, spending the day in the bar in a nice, drunken, relapsed state.

such is not the case. in real life.

fuck D for not wanting me to call him. V made me feel better today and helped me laugh and forget about this shit for a bit today. i want a tattoo. something big and painful. john street bar? who fucking cares. fuck the pain away. fuck. the. pain. a w a y.

i dont know what to do with myself. what to eat, where to place my hands, what to wear or how to talk.

what should i do? i want someone to save me. i always want that.

but wanting doesn't make things come true.

8:36 p.m. - 2002-05-31

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