-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

what we do is secret

the germs are the coolest band and darby crash RULES and now i know why jesse wants to be him so bad. i want a germs tattoo and maybe thats lame but i dontcareidontcareidontcare.

i decieded to end things with V. fuck it. so insane and not worth it. was i addicted to the game? no. it was the game that made me just want to drop out. the game isn't fun when there's no substance behind it. all our chemistry was built on mind fucking. it was my mind that was being fucked. it wasn't his fault, but its my responsibility to take care of this shit. i was just letting him, and letting him win, and he kept on winning. i dont want to win or lose. i dont want to play. he has a big dick but the sex wasn't tender or sweet or even that much fun. i held back. i always hold back. dont be scared johnny? i get scared.

but really, he is good and smart and fun and i like knowing him and hope i continue to know him. he inspires me and that is good and real. and i really dont know what i want. but i know i dont want hysteria. not in a boyfriend at least. he is the opposite of D. he is in love with chaos, just like me. a dangerous mix, the marriage of ego+ego.

gimme gimme your hands, gimme gimme your mind.

V is darby crash too. he doesn't even know it.

lets start a cult! yeah!

12:41 a.m. - 2002-06-04

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

history - mystery