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long island

i miss long island. i miss living in suburbia, but not the dark seedy drugged out teenage wasteland. i don't miss hanging out in parking lots and laughing at jokes even when they're not funny.

i don't miss driving around for hours looking for people. i don't miss hanging out with older guys or their cars, or 7-11 or food express or the diner. i don't miss being angry and dying my hair and dressing weird and being different.

i miss other things. small things. like i miss living with my sister. i miss going to mcdonald's with her when my parent's go out at night.

i miss walking through my neighborhood at night and looking to see what people are watching tv.

i miss pulling into the driveway. i miss someone new ringing my doorbell. the sound of feet walking up the steps.

i miss how my family used to watch a movie together every thanksgiving.

i miss closing the door to my mint-green painted bedroom. i miss all the clothes i made my mom buy for me that i never wore.

i miss knocking on the wall to my sister's room, and how amazed we were the first time we figured out we could hear one another.

i miss seeing my mom through the kitchen window before i go into the house. i miss running to the front door late at night, after i've been out, because i'm scared.

i ran so fast and opened the front door each time like "thank god i'm not dead!"

i haven't felt that way in a while.

7:38 p.m. - 2005-09-22

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