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masked avenger
larry david said in an interview, when asked how similiar he was to his character "larry david" on the show, he responded by saying that the character on the show was a much more realistic version of who he is. The "REAL" him, as opposed to the masked/watered down version he shows everyone else. sometimes i really feel that way. first off, there is the lack of respect i get from some of my closest, however this point can be argued due to my increased sensitive nature. FOR EXAMPLE: not giving credit where credit is due (will not go into details, let's just say it has to do with FAKE BAND NAMES and TOTALLY GAY DANCE MOVES) as well as ben calling me a DOUSCHEBAG in all seriousness (we smoothed it out). WHAT I REALLY MEAN TO SAY IS: the you i show to you is just a lie...? i definatly don't feel as thought my writing is the REAL me, but maybe that's just because i don't like it enough to be the real version of myself. i keep trying to keep trying to keep trying. fuck it. there are mad amounts of friends and aquaintences that i could only wish i had the balls to tell them whats what. unfortunatly i just don't really have the right to do that. HOWEVER in fiction i do have that right. do you think i have the creative know how to make charicature's out of this pathetic circle?? the intellectual wherewithall? so many days where i feel like slipping out of my skin and into something else. like the anxiety ebbs and flows and its not that it's so bad, but either i'm changing or just really forgetting who i am. or just not liking who i am at all. or just changing so much as a person that i can't keep up with myself. or not changing at all, even remotely, and it's starting to make me sick to my stomach. i have some issues. i can't afford therapy right now either. there are things that i am losing my taste for.
i don't even know what outfits i like anymore either.
8:19 p.m. - 2005-04-18
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history - mystery
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