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it's my philosophy
maybe i'm changing for the worse now. maybe things don't always keep moving foward, but like side to side sometimes. i went from scared, to mean, to nice, and now...back to mean? i know when my motives are untrue. but i have a lot of anger and am starting to feel comfortable with that. speaking of, xxxxx is very, very angry. he said he made his mom cry because he was being mean to her. i feel like he thinks he can get away with that kinda shit with me because he is like my family. i guess he can get away with it. to a point. everyone gets to a point. i feel as though he is afraid to let go of all his anger because he believes it makes him cool, keeps his edge. Not everyone wants to live in the light. xxx is the sound of my lips being sewn shut because sometimes it's better not to speak. maaaan. i sit next to this kid at work. we are right fucking next to each other. we both think our world is so important. there he is, on some gamer website, super intense in his chatroom about jennifer garner and alias or whatever. and this is me: thinking things are soooo important when they're not. it's kind of exciting to me actually. let's take things and make them different. but back to the subject at hand, i may in fact, be turning into an asshole.
now i dont care for a lot of things: birthday cakes with candles, artsy jewelery, overly sensitive people who can't play celebrity without bitching, people who talk about cooking, cheap scarves and calf length skirts, gummy teeth...i could go on. there are a lot. however i can't let these dislikes turn me into an asshole. meaning someone who judges. i dont like being that person. it feels weird. it feels like wearing someone else's underwear, with their stains on it. give me my own stains anyday. because i dont really hate myself that much anymore.
9:18 p.m. - 2005-02-08
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history - mystery
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