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this is just to say

sometimes i really hate people, places, and things. but thanks to the program of recovery, i turn that hate into something like shedding light on my true inner self. i'm meaning that as sarcasm.

sometimes hate is good because it makes me feel warm. but the warmth is sorta like a nuclear glow. like an isotope, or whatever sticks on homer simpson's shirt at the beginning of an episode.

my episode is called i don't ever leave my apartment. and i'm not sitting in the closet making a new avant garde disco album. i am not inventing a new thing to needlepoint or making you a mix or making a zine. sometimes i write, but most of it is very very alwful. mostly i just sit around trying to find the next good book to read. sometimes i bake, a lot of the time i eat, and there is nothing ever on tv. i have sex often and don't like answering the phone.

i have a red bathrobe.

i am not unhappy or depressed. depressed is a misused word. i am content but not driven. i am inspired but not active. i am stuck in limbo. elsyian fields. i have a cough that is neither here nor there.

so i was just letting you know, that if you don't see me on any websites or whateves, it's because i'm taking back my nights. my mornings and afternoons. have a gr8 summer and i'll see u next year!

1:42 a.m. - 2004-12-13

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