-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

never have a 5 year plan

i am so scared

i am full of fear and self doubt

i am full of sugar and carbs

i am full of shit and piss

i am full of pizza and animal crackers

i am full anxiety and stress

i am full of suicidal thoughts and "just kidding"'s

i am full of not wanting to write because there is so much pressure

i am full of words that want to be written down in a way that sounds "fresh" and "jazzy"

i am full of curse words

i am full of longing and desire

i am full of not ever wanting to use the word "desire" again

i am full bad dreams and exciting nightmares

i am full of the ability of embarass my self on cue

i am full of fuck

i am full of the wrong things said at the wrong times. bad poems bad poems bad poems. no future. no good hand. the attention is dwindling. my pockets are empty. i am a spoiled brat. i am so panicked and scared. i want to smoke. i want to drink. i want to disapear. i want to move. go to school. be a teacher. teach a kid. learn to write. get a dog. hold a hand. kiss a cheek. buy a dress. have a baby. make a meal. read a book.

i am so full of plans.

8:43 p.m. - 2004-11-16

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

history - mystery