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fucked

i'm so stupid. i thought for a second i could control the universe. or at least a boy. or at least the outcome of a situation. he checked my email but never wrote me back, and now dont i feel like the biggest fucking dipshit x12. i truly dont want to see him for a long long long time. i cant believe how stupid i am. that i could think for a second someone would want me like that, or at least pretend to be friends instead of soul mates, which i thought we were. its like, i have something so good with jb but i know deep down that its not 4ever. so now every guy i come across with crazy energy, i interpret it as something greater. and its just so fucking sad. i can stay in denial about it. i can think he's gonna write me later. fucking denial. he's not responding. there's nothing i can do. i acting like a fucking retart and its not the first time. i feel stupid. the same way i'm sure jordan felt last night. i hate things right now. everythings.

11:43 p.m. - 2003-11-09

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