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wack

i'm so not feeling life right now.

new york is pretty wack. fashion sucks. everyone is stuck in this po-mo 80's/new wave thing and it doesn't even look cute anymore. everyone looks the same again. at least ryan was wearing leather pants tonight. all the fags at the fischer spooner show sucked so hard. i guess its like this post rave/adam ant revial/ psuedo goth/absolute fucking clown look and all they do is stand around and pose as if it were 1993 and i got exhausted just watching them. they just put so much energy into looking 'cool' that its totally defeated the purpose. double fucking yawn.

even the fruit sucks in new york.

fischerspoons was good but they need to freshen up the act a bit. i was uninspired, but that may also have to do with the fact that gavin and emily weren't there to spaz out with me.

i hate fags.

i've been screening my calls all night. this is what they call 'isolating.' so? oh my god, am i supposed to freak out and want to use drugs because i think everyone is fucking boring? no. thats not true. i dont know why i feel so bitter right now. i just hate having to be fake friends with some people. why is it so hard for me to return phone calls? kris, gabrielle, marlene, even pam tonight. there's more people too. i get close, pull away...same routine all the time. the only person i ever talk to is J and C, but C dont count cuz she's my sponser. i guess i should be talking to her about this stuff. or therapist.

ryan bought me dinner tonight. we had a lovely time. i guess i should pay my bill at the video store.

needlepoint. i want that to be new project.

knitting is the new socializing? whatever dudes.

1:50 a.m. - 2002-11-20

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