-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

the secret history

weird to be home again but in a good way. and i'm not even really home yet. just ma dukes. i have to remember that i'm not always gonna be excited about this recovery thing. today, i am excited.

i miss pam especially. i miss people around all time, which is bizarre for me, who always liked being alone. i miss walking around and everyone knowing me. fucking rehab dude. fuckin a.

high power. thats the name of my new band.

cant get the kitten tonight, which makes me sad a little.

i miss certain faces, certain people's names and the way they sound when i say them out loud. certain accents. certian moments on certain benches, the beginnings of conversations that were never finished. thats my old ocd kicking in. i miss the ducks too. the ducks and the mountains and my 4pm shower.

i dont miss new york city, but this weather is amazing. gray and orange and brown and red. it doesnt look this way in nyc. its quiet here too. and i drink tea, light candles. everything smells like wood and history and school and halloween and secrets. it reminds me of when i was in high school. i wish my friends were here. they've all moved away. the only ones left are collin, who is sitting on his couch drinking beer and eating quaaludes, and danielle. maybe i'll call her. but all we used to do was drive around and smoke weed. what comes after that?

i'm gonna go eat a sweet potatoe right now. word up.

5:08 p.m. - 2002-11-10

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

history - mystery