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fatboy

last night was good because i left chance and even though i didn't want to, i did. and it makes me feel good today.

he told vic that he was scared, scared of me i guess. scared of any girl who could love him because he hates himself so much.

fine.

he kept saying to me last night, "wait."

"just 5 minutes, wait for me. i wanna walk you home. we're leaving, come with me. just wait, just wait..."

but i got tired of waiting and so i left, like any normal person would. but i'm not normal and if it were a week ago i would have stayed like a sucker.

and if he wanted it that bad, he knows where i live. he could've come by. but he didn't, so i know i made the right move. but you know i totally thought he would come. you know i was waiting, writing and drawing for an hour, thinking he may actually show up.

but when i walked away, i didn't look back once. i can wait all i want, i just can't let anyone else know about it.

i can wait in my bedroom like a sucker if i want to. privatly. secretly. just a lovesick girl. but he doesn't need to know that girl anymore.

i'm over it. i'm over it.

G is coming over to talk about E. he's been sad lately and i've been sad, and he made me feel a lot better the other night when i was sad. french fries and a really stupid movie. now i know why i really love him. i dont think i want to be him anymore either. at least not today.

because its not liked i'm super psyched to be alive or anything.

5:43 p.m. - 2002-09-08

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