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sparklers and high fives

i'm in berlin and i feel depressed. first it was the anxiety, and that came in waves, not unlike the smell of piss on prague. that came in waves too, but i didn't mind it so much.

berlin is very cool. maybe too cool. maybe i'm just exhausted and don't feel inspired enough to explore. berlin is how i imagine new york city was in 1979 or something like that.

i don't feel homesick. i feel lovesick. i would have stayed in prague. i would have moved to georgia. i would have gone wheatpasting, or to kinkos to make stickers and go bombing all night long. with absinthe and beer and all that kind of stupid shit that isn't even real at all.

i fall in love with people because i want to be them. but those people, of course, never love me back. i'm a sucker for a go-getter.

seemingly more difficult than i thought to go for abike ride in this city. today the bike tour was canceled because it was too hot (lame), and at the hostel none of the keys fit any of the locks.

i feel so tired, but the kind of tired that stems from sadness, and just like the anxiety, i have no idea where its root is.

i want fireworks and whistles but all i find are sparklers and high fives.

i wonder what amsterdamn will be like this time around. so not psyched. want to go to utrecht, but ally isn't feeling it. amsterdamn is like freshman year of college.

i'm thinking about moving to dublin for a while. everyone says, why dublin?

i say: why not.

7:03 p.m. - 2002-07-30

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history - mystery