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the usual suspects

i'm wookin pa nub in all the wrong places. what a fucking emo sap. i need to grow some bigger balls, get out of nyc for a bit.

spoke to my dad today who i doubt i will be talking to again very soon. he claims he "knows" i'm doing dope again, pops all this shit. its scary when you realize your parents are human. its scarier when you realize they are crazy, but its the scariest when you admit out loud that they are just big fat liars. guess what? my dad is a liar! i tried hard not to cry today. i threw the phone against the wall and broke it.

J is in jerz. i want him here. and josh. smoking with me. laughing. SW offered me no grattitude. in fact, i think i may be a bit too intense for him. i wish i wasn't. i wish that i wanted to watch tv all the time too.

i wish that i could write something good. remember when i was good at that? now i just write "fuck the world" over and over again until it looses all meaning. like this:

fucktheworldfucktheworldfucktheowrldfuckthwwirldfuckthesworldfufufufuckckckckckckckkc---get it.

i dont want to write fiction. i want to be it.

dissing people left and right. flaky as ever, not wanting to exist, drinking, etc. it's not so bad to want to move to coney island.

we can eat cotton candy everyday. corndogs.

yo, lemme buy you a corndog and shit.

3:41 a.m. - 2002-06-24

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history - mystery