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punk love
fuuuuuuuck. i'm in the fucking belly of the beast. sick as shit, at my parents house a million miles away from the rest of the world, and no word from V for like 2 days. so a part of me is supposed to be all cool and not care because i'm "that way" and wow, i'm so cool that i never care about anything. and i knew from the beginning not to expect anything so why does it bother me when 2 days agao i wasn't even sure if i liked him. blah blah blah, over and over, the cycle once again jumpstarts my heart and turns my brain inside out all over again. and i'm so unique. its bullshit. of course i want him to call. i know he's away (jerz) and sick. i feel like when he calls me he doesn't know what to talk about, and he's seems scared to run out of things to say. i said "call me later tonight, like high school" and he goes, "don't patronize me." but i wasn't at all. remember me? i'm the one that still loves high school. V seems scared of a lot. self-conscience, cocky as shit, sensitive and run completely by emotions, but also scared to let go. that's my diagnosis. its so sick of me, i always do this. the truth is, i see so much of myself in this person. and i dont know if that turns me on or freaks me out. i guess both. it doesn't make me wanna marry him, or try to make this into something that its not. but it makes me want to know him and know him well and work it out in that way. but we all have so many friends. too many? not enough, i feel alone more often than not. it's just so refreshing to meet someone and actually like them. the intensity of spending a whole week with someone new is exhilarating. even romantic to get sick and pass it on from kissing. he knew i was sick but he kissed me anyway. its romantic. punk love. its punk to give your crush flowers. and then she eats the flowers. and then, you call poison control. its love. its punk to piss your pants from being so turned on. and then give him your urine soaked underwear to keep forever. he left me a note on a peice of toilet paper. would it be punk love to wipe my ass with it?
10:25 p.m. - 2002-05-25
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history - mystery
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