it's kinda like a heart attack

i feel like its the summer of 2002 or 2001, hittin me back like a heart attack.

i broke night last night, watched the sun come up and felt all cracky wilson. was on the phone with a drunken ben. a drunken ben, a sober bill, a delicious treat. so funny. so so so sossosososos fun.

i cant help but think that jo being away might just have a little something to do with breaking night. a part of me thinks he wouldnt even want me to be friends with bill. i was supposed to go to east hampton this week, but for reals can i go there for an entire week , all alone, with no car??? no.

i guess i can go on thursday? be on my dad's radio show and go to the beach, write and eat corn on the cob. its not that i'm afraid of being alone. quite ther opposite. but i'm also 25. i dont really want to be alone on vacation and thats like, normal.

and then there's marlene. i realize now that jo keeps me in check as much i to him. i never go out when he's home, only sometimes, but i do wake up early and get shit done. now its 2pm and i feel like a dick. i'm going to soho tonight. i'm watching the news. i'm watching the wheels turn and turn.

and those morning pages. fuck, i just have to laught at myself. ha. ha.

i got a mani/pedi. a new tan. its cloudy out. i'm gonna listen to rush and clean out the closet. and when is jordan coming home anyway?

1:56 p.m. - 2004-08-02


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