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there is a roped off pew in the church of my heart for the obsessed

i'm so happy i don't live in san fransisco. there are a lot of things i like and don't like about my life in this world today, but one thing i'm sure of is that i just don't feel good in san fransisco. and i hate it there.

i am so glad i don't have to wake up with the sun on the wrong side of the street. i'm glad i live alone. i'm glad my toilet flushes clockwise. or is it counter-clockwise? It's something i just wanted to write down. p>

sometimes i feel like this is the only way i can get through to you. the only way you can hear. it's unfortunate that it's always so cryptic, but maybe that's the very reason why you seem to catch the vibe. last night you pulled a whisper2000 move and i still feel really raw. real fucking emotional man.

oh, whisper2000? the device ex boyfriends use to stalk you. you didn't know? it's called WHISPER2000 and it works like a one way walkie talkie.

i guess i feel: embarassed. manipulated. sad. disapointed. really far away. scared. i scared myself into thinking i wouldn't be ok. is it love that does that to a person, or is it fear?

whatever it is, it's not good.

i try to feel angry and i start breaking things, want to physically hurt someone. i supress the anger and cry cry cry. i feel so sad. tell me tell me tell me: how do you feel the fire burn and get over it?

i don't know how and it hurts the most of all. one day i'm gonna turn into a collage of myself i just know it. someone will glue paper wings onto my shoulders and i'll realize things that only the most disciplined of spiritual Yogi's know. All my scrabble letters will spell triple word scores all the time. My dogs won't shed. My snow won't melt.

11:17 a.m. - 2005-06-19

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