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operation human shield

i'm so retarded for doing super retarded things that i know one day its all gonna blow up in my face and i will only have myself to blame.

for some reason knowing this still does not stop me from doing all the retarded doings that i do. its like oh yeah i'm a robot programmed to act the opposite of smart so that all of you can feel better about yourselves.

or like, watch me make these stupid mistakes and learn from me so that you dont have to do them too. i feel like operation human shield sometimes.

i still think about my secret lighter somtimes and how badly i fucked that up, and like, how i am so sure that my mind is the only sad mind that thinks about this. once upon a time, you traded secrets with me. In the coldest house of the smallest city, i felt incredibly warm.

even forced them to put the heat on. there are only a few things i wish i could go back and change. this is one of them.

i think that's called regret.

8:19 p.m. - 2004-10-26

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history - mystery