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ol sweetcheeks goes off
so my job is a little boring, especially on a saturday, especially for 3 days in a row. but it's no biggie. gives me time to do what? think more about me, write more about my life, and basically become more self absorbed than i already am. it's so much fun, i get to wonder why people say mean things, and then i can analyze them until the meaning is completely warped and reversed and cancels out any iota of whatever it is i actually should be focusing on. yay! kidding though. but hey you know what? i'm so over people turning their own insecurities over to me, as if i'm the one who really needs to have you. oh my god i love u and i'm gonna die without u. watch me all over town walk around with you, i'm so lucky. i dream about having 8 million babies with you and taking care of you when your sick...
like, double fucking triple fucking sike.
i'm so sorry that dudes think this thing that girls are "psycho" and "crazers" when really they are the psycho ones and dude i'm just trying to take care of myself and go about my life. like, no, really i am. wow, taking care of myself. what a concept.
like i dont need a boyfriend to make me happy, believe it or not. actually, i'm not even sure if that would even remotely make me happy right now. wow it is so scary for a guy to grasp onto the idea that actually, we dont need you or even care about what you need (or what you think you need) so much? yeah fucking sex is awesome. can you believe that i like having fun too? can you believe that i would use you just like you use me? oh wow. maybe that makes me a slut right? maybe if i dont call you, i'm a bitch or "psycho". hey believe it or not, i'm walking on air. i've never felt so alive. it's not that "i don't care", quite the opposite. i care deeply, profoundly. i care so much that i'm not too fucking cool to say it. or walk around manipulating situations and twisting words and ideas. i mean what i say and i dont mean anything else, there is not hidden door, no whisper 2000.
it;s just that the care you think is not the kind of care you are used to hearing. i am so into safety and when you get dangerous i'm so fucking out. because i have been in dangerous places too many times before to waste a breath on any kind of danger now. it is so scary to see a woman be healthy. it is so appealing. you want it to rub off on you, or you wanna bring me down. i know i cant get what i want and that hurts sometimes but i'm ok with it cuz baby i got what i need and i'll always get what i need and that is a faith you know nothing about. it is something i will always trust. and no matter what, at the end of the day i am always left with myself. and i'm sorry if that scares you but it fucking excites me. my roller coaster is really different but stay stay stay cuz i promise it is totally fun, the best ride ever.
4:29 p.m. - 2004-10-02
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history - mystery
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