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constant change is here today

still not feeling all that well, but i'm trying to fake it. is it my physical state or my psychic state that's totally fucked? i can't tell anymore. i guess it's the same thing, anyway.

slightly nervous for memorial day wknd. lots of peeps. and is it even gonna be hot? what. if. its. not.?

i am pissed that nyc is mad me. he asks why am i nyc? you are nyc because everything about you is nyc. hot one day, cold the next. you're smart and cute and amazing, and then scared and fake scared and grandiose and mean on purpose. this is the state we live in. aren't you glad your a part of it?

carrie is supposedly coming over right now to take naked pictures of me. i dont know how i feel about that. i dont feel good about it. but i'm doing it.

cuz i'm a fake and a phony and i wish i never laid eyes on you.

name that movie.

i think i'm obsessed with river pheonix. real original huh?

i just wish my books would get here already. teen novels. i need inspiration. i cant i cant i cant i cant come.

i feel like totally isolating. just reading and reading. i'm supposed to have coffee with this dude ben tonight, he lives with his girl but he asked me for coffee. why? he wants to talk about writing? whats there to say?

you either write or you dont. right now i dont.

3:36 p.m. - 2004-05-25

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